Reflections on Who We Are

First Things First

Wed, 16 May 2012 00:00:00 -0400

Learning to prioritize, to put first things first, can be difficult for troubled teens with ADHD, poor impulse control, or similar issues. Recently a young student struggling with oppositional defiant disorder but who has made headway since arriving, asked his House for more responsibility. He was interested in being able to "shadow," to accompanying another student around campus who may be having a hard time. The young man made a good case for himself, citing his growing capacity to listen and care about others.

His peers, however, thought he needed to assume more responsibility for himself first. He needed to do a better job completing homework assignments, respecting teachers, and paying attention in class if he intended to help others do the same. "First things first," they told him. Simple, but never easy.

God of Your Own Understanding

Mon, 14 May 2012 00:00:00 -0400

The 12-Step program is an essential part of The Family School environment, encouraging students to develop a spiritual life based on a Higher Power, on the God of their own understanding.

The idea that a group of troubled teens can have a serious discussion about what is and isn't a Higher Power speaks to the impact of a therapeutic environment on their lives. Most students would not have brought up the subject with their friends at home. But here the question becomes uppermost in their minds as they begin to understand the connection between their self-destructive behavior and their spiritual life.

In this environment, students are always just a conversation away from some small enlightenment that could change the way they see the world, and their purpose in it.

Grateful in Return

Fri, 11 May 2012 00:00:00 -0400

Students who succeed in turning their lives around at The Family School are especially grateful to the staff who helped them do it. One alumnus recently reported that the work ethic she acquired at FFS has just earned her a major promotion in her first job out of college. "I know I was influenced by the example of my sponsor at the school who never stopped pushing me to live up to my potential," she said on a recent visit. Many staff members are equally grateful to the students---for the chance to witness the miracles of recovery and to learn and grow for themselves in this healing, 12-Step environment.

On Deaf Ears

Wed, 09 May 2012 00:00:00 -0400

An 18-year-old who is about to graduate has done a great job of transforming himself from an angry, dishonest drug user to a young man of integrity, ambition, and heart. He is eager now to help others, particularly those who remind him of an earlier version of himself, and recently shared his story---his experience, strength and hope---with a newcomer who ultimately rejected everything he had to say.

The 18-year old is learning, and in a very powerful way, just how little control he has over others. "He just doesn't get it," he said of the newcomer. "But I didn't either back then. I would have laughed at anyone who tried to tell me what I'm trying to tell him. I know exactly how he's thinking. I want to give him some of the clarity and inspiration that was given to me, but I guess it doesn't work that way." For a young man about to go out into the world, that's a good thing to remember.

The Insight of Peers

Mon, 07 May 2012 07:00:00 -0400

Parents visiting the school at lunchtime are almost always surprised by the willingness of students to openly discuss their struggles during lunchtime "table topics," and by the insights of many of the students who speak up to help them. One amazed parent recently told the students, "I wish I were a student here!" then went on to say how lucky they were to have this level of help and caring so early in their lives. Most students would agree. One of the first things a newcomer develops here is an attitude of gratitude, which extends not just to the staff---their counselors, teachers, advisors and sponsors---but to their fellow students. The level of help and insights students receive from one another is remarkable. Just ask our lunch guests!

Learning to Trust

Fri, 04 May 2012 07:00:00 -0400

A number of the troubled teens who end up at The Family School are adopted children who find it hard to cope with that fact. Despite loving adoptive parents, one student who was in and out of foster care before his adoption continues to grapple with major issues of anger and trust. After several months of hard emotional work, including special adoption group counseling, he has made significant strides.

But he is hardly perfect. After receiving some disappointing news from home recently, he spent several hours stewing in his disappointment. Several hours, not several days. For a young man with more struggles than most people will see in a lifetime, that is progress! Slowly but surely he is learning to reach out, trusting that the help and acceptance he needs will be there.

The Power of Example

Tue, 01 May 2012 07:00:00 -0400

When the difficulties of troubled teens strain family relationships, it's not just their parents who suffer. Their siblings do too. One student with a history of defiance and theft, says he still struggles with the guilt of having introduced his younger brother to stealing. He's not alone. Many students who arrive with similar stories end up apologizing and making amends to younger siblings for not being a better role model. One thing these students are learning as they work on repairing their family relationships and develop a sense of personal integrity, is to never underestimate the power of example.

Courage and Acceptance

Mon, 30 Apr 2012 07:00:00 -0400

The Serenity Prayer is uttered dozens of times throughout the day at The Family School, a reflection of our 12-Step approach to life and our commitment to teaching students both courage and acceptance, which is what it takes to live life on life's terms. To the extent that we can do that is the extent to which we recover from self-defeating behaviors. One girl whose drug use landed her in the hospital before landing her here was told by a friend, "You won't get better until you get in touch with your emotions. You have to be honest about what you're feeling---sadness, anger, resentment, whatever. 'Face it, embrace it, erase it, and move on.'" Good advice.

Principles Before Popularity

Fri, 27 Apr 2012 07:00:00 -0400

Many of our students were popular at home. In fact, putting their popularity above everything else is what got them here. There's nothing wrong with wanting to be popular or to fit in unless you're willing to violate the rules, your conscious, and your common sense to attain it. One student admits she did exactly that when she got into drugs and alcohol simply to keep up with her friends, and then found herself "hooked." Her life here is all about doing well in school, following the program, and learning to care about others. And guess what? It's made her "popular!" Her biggest worry now is that staying popular will become more important to her than staying honest and responsible.

We believe in putting principles before personalities, and before popularity. That's a hard lesson for teenagers, but one that's best learned sooner than later.

Promptly Admitted It

Wed, 25 Apr 2012 07:00:00 -0400

A troubled teen girl who arrived a year ago with a big chip on her shoulder is much happier today, having learned to talk through her struggles and resentments as part of the 12-Step program. But she still has her bad days. She was recently brought up for being rude and disrespectful toward one of the boys. Instead of admitting it and doing some soul-searching as to what was behind it, though, she minimized the situation, became defensive, then manipulated the facts until it appeared that she, and not the boy, was the victim. Later in the day she took a 10^th Step ("Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong, promptly admitted it") and the next day she got back up and made things right.

The truth can be humbling, but it is also healing and the key to real peace of mind in this life. Some people, well into adulthood, never learn this, but students like this troubled teen girl are not likely to forget it.